<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>pain, death, time by Ffwydriad</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22992016">pain, death, time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ffwydriad/pseuds/Ffwydriad'>Ffwydriad</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who &amp; Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Study, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Spoilers for S12E10: The Timeless Children, Spoilers for series 12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 07:27:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,535</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22992016</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ffwydriad/pseuds/Ffwydriad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>snippets of a history, two children, and death. </p><p>(A character study of the Master)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Koschei &amp; Theta Sigma, The Doctor &amp; The Master (Doctor Who)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>pain, death, time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>8.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He is waking up on Gallifrey. He can taste it in the air. He’s not supposed to be here, but then, he doesn’t really mind, he’s supposed to be dead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can feel a familiar mind, watching over him.  Difficult to place, until it becomes unerringly clear. Rassilon, he thinks, and tries to place himself. Is he in the past - in the Death Zone? - or has Rassilon been revived?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be useful,” Rassilon says, and nothing else, and he stops thinking of what this means, because then, he starts to hear the drums.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>3.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koschei has never been a prodigy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s smart. You don’t get into the Prydonian Academy if you aren’t smart, aren’t determined, and he’s top of the class even there, with their little group, the Deca, the brightest students of their age. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he isn’t a prodigy. It doesn’t come naturally, the way it comes to Ushas, to Vansell, to Millennia - even  Drax, the moron, was one of the most naturally gifted mechanics that Gallifrey had ever seen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Theta Sigma was a prodigy too - everything came naturally to him, and he didn’t even do anything with it, wasted it away, with barely passing grades. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Koschei had that natural talent - if Koschei had any of what the others, his so called friends, had - he would have been the most terrifying force to be reckoned with in the Universe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, he’s just himself. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>11.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t really have it in his heart, to conquer the universe, but doing things that aren’t scheming universal domination are boring, so he’s taken a deep dive into the Matrix, because the Matrix is never boring. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, well, if you get caught in the wrong chain of memories, sure - Time Lords, always dull - but it’s one of the most complex systems in all reality, and it’s such a beautiful game, trying to find a way to slip through so completely undetected, sometimes even by the Matrix itself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s how he finds it - he can read the safeguards, you aren’t supposed to be able to notice, this part. A blank spot. An emptiness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone trying to redact history, and who knows what sorts of secrets can end up in there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s bored, and he’s hungry, and there’s nothing more appetizing than a challenge that might spark so many new plans. So he searches the edges of the void, tries to find the memories that haven’t been erased, yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s not expecting to find </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>9.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Can he count, how many times, he’s died for this war?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s tried running. He’s tried running so many times. The Doctor, even, has brought him back, to this hell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They won’t let him escape this; he’s too good at it. He doesn’t know how many victories he’s won, but he imagines it’s not insignificant, for him, him alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He dies, again, and he wakes up, again, and he doesn’t want to die, anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he’s used to it. He’s been used to it for a very long time. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>5.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They have a life. It isn’t perfect - he can tell that they both hate their jobs, that they both still dream of running off to visit every star like they talked about in school - but it’s a life, and it isn’t an unhappy one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t have to be, they only have to be together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finds talk of soulmates cheesy - they both have a better comprehension of time than such absurdities -  but he’s found his other half, and that can make anything worthwhile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anything.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>7.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor has been trapped by the Council on Earth, which means the Master is on Earth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks young - they’re still more or less the same age, but it’s so easy to tell that the Doctor is only a few regenerations in, while he’s already at the end. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He offers an extended hand, a partnership. Let me save you, he says. Rule the world with me, the universe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>We can even be good, he offers, we can even be kind. I’ll do it, for you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor never falters; the schemes always fall apart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Master finds himself on the edge of death, and through the same spite and anger that has driven him this far, he holds on to life. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>12.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Timeless Child. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course it is. How could it not be. How could there be a mystery not with </span>
  <em>
    <span>the Doctor</span>
  </em>
  <span> at it’s core. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not equal, not opposite. Never equal, never opposite. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s always been the loser, and he always will be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But maybe he can drag her down to his level, make her feel his anger. Maybe they can both lose, because if she is losing, then it doesn’t matter, he can count that as a win. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He won’t be getting one any other way. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>0.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He is dying, alone, of failure, on a hopeless quest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He is dying, at the Doctor’s hands, at a betrayal that doesn’t even hurt anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He is dying, again, and again, and again, and they won’t ever let it stick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He is dying, and he won’t let pity ruin that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He is dying, and it doesn’t matter, because he’s died before and -</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He is dying, and this time it’s for good, it must be, there’s no way to survive this-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Death kisses the top of his head, and refuses to let him sleep.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>4.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Koschei was a prodigy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was one of the most psychically gifted on all of Gallifrey. Where others had to focus on developing their innate skill into anything usable for more than a simple greeting, it came naturally to him, the easiest thing in the world. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it hurt, all those people, all those minds. It hurt, and he tried to shield it out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They helped him, to control it, and by control, diminish. Because for all the focus on the mind, psychic potential was not a skill that the Time Lords cared overmuch in focusing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Too close to magic, not that that was ever to be said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Who knows what he might have been, if fully developed - but even still, he was a master. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>10.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He flees the war. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s too close to the end - the losing end. He doesn’t care. He can’t even think. He just wants to sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He locks himself away, and hides, hides at the end of the universe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he wakes, the war is well and done. When he wakes, the universe is his, to play with, to rule. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>To break. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>6.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s never been angrier than he is now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This regeneration is still fresh, and it is full of rage, and maybe fear as well, but he’s not thinking of that part. He’s clinging onto Ushas’ mind, a stern, cool rock that doesn’t waver from it’s focus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They track down every bit of evidence, every path, every trail. It all runs cold. There’s a conspiracy afoot, one running deep and stained with death, so many unanswered questions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wants to scream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could have </span>
  <em>
    <span>asked</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They could have </span>
  <em>
    <span>helped him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There is nothing left of him on Gallifrey - there is nothing left of him. He takes the TARDIS - his TARDIS - and runs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There isn’t anything to find - the universe is a place that is cold and cruel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if home had ever been warm and kind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s alone. And is it his fault, for the schemes, or </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>fault for being a coward, or is it just that happiness is temporary, and that always, always you will lose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tries winning.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>1.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There are two children.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re running through the streets, and they have smiles on their faces, and they are happy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Death comes and sits before them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She asks the one to be her champion, her chosen. He doesn’t know it, but he knows her intimately. But he is scared, of what she means, and he is scared, of what he could be, because he does not want to be Death - he has never wanted to be Death.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She asks the other. Or does she ask the other? Were they asked at once, or was he aware that he was the second choice? Would always be the second choice? Was he even asked it all, or was, with a refusal, this fate thrust upon him, inescapable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was he trying to prove himself, as someone important, someone worthy? Would he have chosen that, if he could have?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Were they ever opposites, matched and equal, a pair of hearts that beat in tune and faced in different sides? Could either of them had played that role, or was it only ever his. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Death claims him, and he becomes her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Destroyer of worlds.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>13.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gallifrey burns, and Gallifrey falls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She thought she was so clever, following the pieces he’d laid out for her, setting up an endgame, A villain so inescapably horrible = him, of course - and an easy way out, mutually assured destruction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He taunts her. He grins. He lets her know that she has </span>
  <em>
    <span>lost</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that she has </span>
  <em>
    <span>fallen</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that she is choosing </span>
  <em>
    <span>death</span>
  </em>
  <span> and that for once, they will die together, and they will be equals, finally, as he had thought they were, as they were meant to be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the Doctor?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor </span>
  <em>
    <span>runs</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is based heavily on information from various novels' accounts of the Doctor &amp; the Master's childhood, and a lot from Celestial Intervention - A Gallifreyan Noir, which left a massive impact on me after reading it.</p><p>title is a reference to the three gods of gallifrey - pain, death (who chooses the master as her champion), and time (who chooses the doctor).</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>